I went back to work Thursday. It was like ripping off a band-aid. I think it's because it is another ending, another transition. It was overwhelming. But it was also a relief. I am not sitting around with nothing to do. Now I have too much to do! I am trying not to over-do it but it is hard to do. I'll be fine, going full speed ahead and then bam! I hit a wall and I am exhausted and drained. I'm having to learn my limits. But I am impatient to just move on. When I say 'moving on' I in no way mean forgetting. I want to always honor and remember my beautiful daughter. That is why I am researching and trying to start an organization. God is showing me the direction He wants me to go - forward. Moving on, following His direction and plans.
My life is not what I imagined in March when I first found out I was pregnant. But I am so thankful for the many ways God has blessed us. Jamie and I have put God at the center of our relationship. Our marriage is stronger in so many ways. I wonder if we would be where we are now without Alyssa. I don't know. But because of Alyssa my husband now wants to go to church every Sunday, wants to do daily devotionals with me and prays with me! God is so amazing! As hard as it is without our little girl, I now have the comfort in knowing one day we will all be together again. I look forward to that day. Until then I will do whatever I have to - whatever God leads me to do. And now I am not doing it alone. Praise God!